THE FEELING OF NOT FEELING.

I sat right there and front of You, and even that didn’t do it. Usually, you are the surefire thing that does.

But the heart that’s usually singing a million songs and blushing before You and finally starting to say thank you more than it says please was barely beating today.

All I could think of where the whys and the whats; the past and the future. And in my present perspective, I didn’t feel grateful for my past or intrigued by my future. I didn’t hear an answer for why I had the unwarranted, inexplicable, painful bout of stress or what next week’s meetings and Monday would bring.

I felt nothing. I heard nothing.

My heart tried; it really did try to beat a little louder, and even started to sing: “In my wrestling, and in my doubt.”  But my brain wasn’t having any of it, and I just plopped my head down on the back of the chair in front of me, staring over my friends’ bowed, reverent, prayer-poised heads taking in all You were instead telling them instead of me.

You immediately locked my gaze on Yours. There you hung from the wall, kneeling at your station, bowed down and hunched over in the exact same position. You weren’t hearing much of an answer either. Yet that was the exact experience You were meant for.

I guess today, so were We.

As I put up with the feeling of not feeling for the last twenty minutes of Adoration, I felt extreme comfort in what You ended up whispering after all.

“This never happens to Me. When it comes to you, I never have the feeling of not feeling.”

“I feel grateful for you … I feel intrigued by you … I feel love for you.”

“But more importantly, “I Am grateful for you. I Am intrigued by you. I Am love for you.”

“You are worth more than many sparrows.”

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